No regrets

I've got this philosophy about life -- I don't want any regrets. I know that's hard to do. We all make mistakes and we all miss opportunities. But I try.

My hero R.W. Emerson said "An opportunity missed is an opportunity lost." I don't completely agree with him. If you miss an opportunity and do nothing to rectify it then, yes, it's lost.

I don't know how much time is too much time to address a regret. It may depend on the incident. But I think that as soon as your conscience or gut tell you that someone may have been hurt by your actions, that's when it should be addressed. The longer you wait, the harder it is.

Some people can move on and put lost relationships in the past. I'm not one of those people. I want to hang onto everyone I've ever loved or shared my heart with.

My biggest fear in life is that I'll be sitting in the nursing home in my 80s and thinking back on my life. I'll be struck by things I either didn't say to someone who was important to me, or things I said or did that were hurtful. And then I'll be filled with sadness that I didn't change things when I had the chance.

I had a couple of friends who died young. Friends who I was very close to in my youth but had had a falling out with. One lost friendship was all my fault, the other was a mystery to me. Both of these friends died not knowing that I loved them. Why? Well, partly because I was stubborn, but mainly because I thought I had time. We were young, after all, and mortality was something generations away from us.

I'd picture myself bumping into them while out shopping or out at a local restaurant. We'd hug and laugh about our stupidity and everything would be back to normal.

That didn't happen and I live with that regret. So, now, when I feel a friendship is reaching a critical point, I go into communication mode.

Not everyone wants or knows how to communicate in the brutally honest, soul-baring way that is my style. To me, it's always better to speak what's difficult to say than to not say it at all. As long as the message comes from a place of love and healing, and not of anger and self righteousness, it's all good as far as I'm concerned.

So, when I'm faced with a moment when I could do what's "easy" and let a friendship die, I become that 80-something woman in the nursing home, thinking back on her life.

And then I make that phone call.