Friday, January 26, 2018

Hillary and Melania and the MeToo Movement

It's not always what's said that defines a moment. Sometimes it's what's not. 

Donald Trump's well publicized cheating with a porn star while his wife Melania was home with a baby - and then paying for the porn star to keep quiet - is to some just another scandal for our latest president.

I have seen sadness and support for Melania both online and with people I speak with - on both sides of the political aisle. She is the victim here and no one I follow on Twitter or other social media sites has said otherwise. I'm heartened that even hardened liberals who rage at Trump have not gone down the wife-bashing road which unfortunately can happen when a husband cheats. 

This heartening moment might be brought to you by the MeToo movement but I think that's too new a phenomenon for it to have had that much of an impact that soon. So my mind has wandered to other potential reasons.

I am reminded of the time that Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary. She was not pregnant at the time and he did not pay off a porn star though he did cheat with a White House intern. 

But when Bill was found out, the comments around the water cooler and around the media was about how Hillary was somehow to blame for at least part of it. She was demonized by conservatives and even some liberals who portrayed her as (if you'll pardon my street slang) a cockblocker. She was a wife who must be a turnoff in bed. Who could blame Bill for being oversexed when he had HER to go home to at night? This was long before the dawn of social media but it was a very prominent discussion at the time.

So now comes Melania. A pretty, demure ex-model who knows her place and stands by her man with her head down and her eyes averted. 

How different she is from Hillary who had a successful career before (and even after) her stint as First Lady. Who jumped into the health care debate at her husband's request and tried to work with Congress to enact a universal health care bill while First Lady. She was and is strong, smart, and vocal. She is not a tall, thin body type and probably stuggles to keep weight off as many post-menopausal women do.

I was lead to wonder by the difference in the two women and the difference in the treatment of both when their President husbands cheated publicly. 

Let me be very clear about one thing first: I am not advocating that Melania be treated poorly because of her husband's cheating. She is a victim in this scenario. Just like Hillary was.

My observations are more about why Hillary was and probably still is looked at as part of the problem with Bill but Melania is not. 

You won't be hearing that Melania is someone a man wouldn't want to take to bed. You won't be hearing that Melania is too outspoken and successful and therefore must be emasculating to men. You won't be hearing that it's no surprise that her husband cheated on her since the person he cheated with was more attractive than her.

And therein lies the lesson.

In this time of MeToo and Time's Up, let's not forget what isn't said. And how what isn't said speaks volumes about our perception of women. Even now. 

My only hope is that the lack of blaming of Melania is about how far we (especially men) have come this past year in our respect for women. And not about how pretty and quiet women still catch a break when strong and vocal women do not.