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| Me and one of "my" kids |
I've mentioned before on this blog that I lead the church youth group. Kids in the group are from grades 9 through 12.
When I was in high school, I had zero sense of what "cool" was. When I thought I was doing something hip (something I worked at full-time) it was actually quite stupid and goofy. I was made fun of - or worse, ignored - by my peers for most of my teen years. It all changed in college, but high school was a living hell for me.
Ever since then I never knew how to talk to teens. I sort of reverted back to my old goofy self and stumbled over my words. Feeling again like I was that clueless teen trying not to be ignored or laughed at.
Leading this group has changed my perspective on what it is to be a teen. And I know now that I really was a typical teen. The only difference was I didn't wear the mask as well as the others.
Spending Sunday mornings and some Sunday evenings mentoring teens has helped me resolve the anguish I had for all those earlier years. I finally feel like I can be myself around a group that, although no longer my peers, are the very age group with whom I struggled the most.
Sounds crazy. Here I am in my early 50s and I'm just now feeling like I can put my teen angst behind me.
I look at the youth I work with - some of whom I have become very close to - and feel this huge burden lifted. Like it finally came full circle for me.
And when I sat with these amazing teens today, asking them some of the tough, soul-searching questions that no one asked me at that age, I feel like there was a reason for my square-peg status as a teen.
How could I understand now just how hard it was to be a teen if it had been easy? How could I offer a knowing hug, an empathic ear, and a like war story if I had been one of those teens who wore their manufactured confidence like a shield?
I tell the kids all the time that I get more out of my time with them than they do and that they will never know just now much sharing this time in their lives means to me.
Maybe they understand, maybe not. Maybe some of them will get to be 53, connect with teens in a meaningful way, say, "How in the hell did I get here?", and think of me.
Kathy, I enjoy your post. I have kids and grandkids, and the past few years I am able to talk with them more about life experiences and feel more connected than in the past. The connections and influence you're having with these teens are good and more valuable than you can imagine. We all have our own foibles, but as a teen, they're everywhere. You do enjoy it. That's a reward in itself.
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