I've been keeping a keen eye on the MA legislation to prevent bullying in schools. There are several bills being discussed but one shows some promise of actually making it.
I spent the majority of my young life being bullied at school. It started around 5th grade and went through high school. Though, high school was probably more about being ignored than being bullied. Not sure which was worse.
There were some physical factors and psychological factors to the bullying I received. I was the nerd. The non-conformist during the late 60s and early 70s. When I was in grade school, I wasn't cool enough because I took piano lessons and refused to hitch up my Catholic school uniform over my knees to piss off the nuns.
When I was in junior high and high school, I was the non-conformist again who did not wear the appropriate Izod-labeled clothing. I also never got into pot and so that made me an outcast again.
Being a non-conformist on principle is different than being a non-conformist who has no clue. There were lots of non-conformists around me in school who knew what they were doing and did NOT want to fit in. I was not in that category. I just didn't get it.
Most of the time I was made fun of. But there were times when I had tacks left on my seat, or my glasses were thrown out the classroom window. There was nothing my parents could do except ask the teachers to keep an eye on me. The people who bullied me seemed to feel a great sense of comraderie when bullying me.
Looking back, I understand that most of these bullies were either bullied at home by their parents or siblings; or were incredibly insecure about their own conformity. That knowledge didn't help when I was in it but it made me a more sensitive person when I got older.
The world was lucky that I wasn't the homicidal type. That I never thought of doing anything to get back at these kids or the school itself. But it had a profound effect on my sense of self that still lingers today.
What if my parents could have done something more? What if the school had a law at its disposal to stop what was happening to me? Might I have escaped with my self-worth unscathed? Maybe. Maybe not. It's hard to legislate human interaction in the school yard or the locker room. Things happen that can't be proven - or that no other kid will attest to for fear that they will be next.
But, I think we have to start somewhere. Leaving kids like me (basically, good kids) to fend for themselves does not help us become positive additions to society.
I was lucky. I had enough positive reinforcement from non-school sources to make it through. But what about the ones who are not so lucky?
This is such a hard subject. I'm always on the look-out for bullying because of Toby's allergies (so far, so good but many years ahead). The last time that kid that gives him a hard time (not about food but just in general) acted up, Scott said his next step was to go to the family's house and speak to the parents in person. When I told his teacher that, she jumped all over it.
ReplyDeleteYour (our) parents could have done more, but back then parents just weren't as involved. They weren't involved enough with my learning issues, either. Nowadays, at least in our little school, they deal with this. A guidance counselor comes to the class and speaks to the kids as a group regularly. The teachers try to nip it in the bud. I find that EDUCATION is key. There's no such thing as privacy about Toby's allergies. When I volunteer or visit at lunch, I often get a lot of questions from the little ones and they all get an answer. I think education breeds empathy.
I asked Toby who the cutest girl in his class was. He said Lyla. Lyla is the girl with Downs. All the kids in their class are crazy about her. I find this to be a real shift from when I was a kid and thank God for it. Sensitive, empathetic teachers can go a long way to help make up for what some kids lack at home.