The old stigmas

I was out card shopping the other day with a long list of upcoming birthdays, anniversaries, and weddings. Most of the birthday cards were for women and those are so much fun to choose. The wording on each one is usually very heartfelt and sentimental. Feelings are expressed openly and without restraint - especially if the card is woman-to-woman.

After I made my way through the "For Her" section of the cards, I got to the section of my list that was "For Him". I needed to get cards for a nephew and two of Ron's brothers (May is a big birthday month in Ron's family. February must be a pretty romantic month for those conservative Canadiens.)

The first thing I noticed was that there were very few cards for male birthdays. It was a one-size-fits-all sort of affair. And all the cards had pictures of boats, golf courses, fishing rods, or mountains on them. No pictures of men with arms around anyone - even, God forbid, other men. In fact, I can't remember seeing a card with any living thing on it at all.

When I opened all of these generic-looking cards, the writing told an even bigger story. In place of the heartfelt words and open feelings were a few lines about "taking it easy", a "job well done", and, my personal favorite, "I know we don't talk much, but...."

Missing were words like "love", "affection", and "heart". I found it to be a pretty sad statement on gender evolution. The 60s and 70s were going to change all this, weren't they? I see changes all around me when it comes to fathers and their relationship with their children. Men seem so much more involved with their kids than before, even when it's time for a tea party or dance lesson with their girls.

I did find a couple of cards that had at least some sentiment and bought them. But, still, I shook my head. Why don't greeting cards encourage, or even allow for, the expression of feelings to and between men? It doesn't have to be all flowers and cupids. But how wonderful would it be for a man to walk into a card store and pick up a card to his brother that says "I love you" - right there in print?

I worry that cards like that wouldn't sell. That men would still buy the "job well done" card and continue the stigma. I find that most men still don't know how to talk about their feelings - and it's not just my generation and older. Maybe Hallmark has done some market research and found that it's not worth the money to print "gushy" cards for men.

If so, how sad.